This is a post that I’ve been wanting to read for months. 😉
Life isn’t perfect for me over here in my home, and I know it’s not for you either, wherever it is that you are.
But the way that it works when you sit in your own home, thinking about someone else sitting in theirs, is that you think they did all their dishes before going to bed, and that they didn’t leave clothes in the dryer after they were finished drying, and that they woke up with a perfect complexion.
And I’m willing to bet quite a lot that none of that is true.
You’ve gotta believe me!
What we’re dealing with in our home is similar to what everyone else is dealing with in their home… and everybody is dealing with something.
That’s important to remember. Even if our crosses don’t look the same.
And that’s been really helpful for me to remind myself of I get down and start playing the comparison game — which, by the way, nobody wins! 😉
So I’ve been dealing with some stuff here in our home for the past couple of years that I wish were different… things like imperfect health, things like the fact that we don’t have babies (yet!), things like wishing we had a nicer couch.
And to be honest, I’ve been praying for these things to change.
But to be equally as honest, I’m not sure when they will or if they will.
So I’ve been really focusing on how I can be happy with these things exactly as they are.
Because I NEED to be joyful. I need it for myself, for my husband, for our future children, and for our families & friends. I need it because it’s a part of my vocation, and it’s a part of Heaven — a huge part, and so I’ve gotta start practicing joyfulness here while I can.
Sort of like prepping for the final exam and all.
And you know I’ve been doing this. I’ve written about it before.
But now I want to tell you what’s worked for me as I’ve been trying a few different things to intentionally help me be happier with my life, my health, and our circumstances & surroundings just as they are.
Recognizing the Things I Do Have More Than The Things I Don’t
This might sound really silly, but one thing I’ve been doing that has seemed to make a huge difference in me being happier with things just as they are is recognizing the things I like that I do have in my life, and talking — out loud — about those things. For instance, when I walked into my living room the other day, I said out loud, so my husband could hear me, “Oh my gosh, wow! Look at this beautiful and comfy living room! I love it!”
And I do. I really do like our living room.
There are a few things I would change about it or tweak, and maybe a few things I wish we could buy new (like that couch!), but there are plenty of things I love about it.
And instead of looking at that couch with disdain, I can look at the painting above it and be really pleased. It’s all about perspective, or direction, really — wherever we’re letting our eyes look, our hearts & minds will see it! It can either see the couch we don’t like, or that painting above it, that we do. So we should be extra careful with where we’re looking — what we’re looking for, and what we’re letting ourselves see…
If you’re struggling with saying positive things, and you feel like you more habitually are thinking the negative things, then the best piece of advice I can give you would be to hand those thoughts over to Jesus the second you think ’em.
“Take negative thoughts captive daily, and make them obedient to Christ. It’s good housekeeping for the soul.” (Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith)
And if you can say those more positive thoughts out loud, it actually counts more than just thinking those things!
Really! By telling my husband, out loud, what I like and enjoy about our home, it’s almost like I hear it twice — I hear myself say it, and I hear myself telling it to my husband, and then my brain sort of takes that in, and says, WOW, you DO love your living room… and then I believe it more.
Here’s an interesting note for ya: talking out loud improves memory retention (so if I say it now, I’ll remember that I love it later!).
My husband & I have been doing this together this month leading up to Christmas; writing little thank you notes & love notes, and things we’re grateful for & about one another — and in our home. And I can tell you that I already feel like I’ve benefited from this! We haven’t even read what we’ve each written, but just the act of thinking about it and writing it down has got my mind thinking more about the things I love rather than the things I don’t.
Taking Care of the Things — And People — I Do Have In My Life
We may not have the nicest things or most expensive things; most of what we own is second-hand. But it all still works, does what we need it to do, and most things are still beautiful. Even if they are a little old. And by taking care of these things — by dusting, vacuuming, putting things back into the places they belong — and creating places for things so they have a spot to belong in, has really helped me to value what we do own. And when I value it, I’m more grateful for it. And then I take care of it better. And it’s sort of like a cycle of gratitude & happiness.
This point really reminds me of my Mom. She always taught me to take care of what you have — even, and maybe most especially, if it’s very little or not very nice. You don’t need a lot and it doesn’t have to be the best, but it’s nice when what you do have is well taken care of — then, you can enjoy it more. Then, it lasts longer.
The same can probably be said for relationships; you don’t need a lot of them, but you probably want some high-quality ones (like your marriage!) and some close friends. If you want those to be better, or if you want to be happier with them, you have to take care of them as they are. Value them. Prioritize them. Dust them off once in a while. Check in with them; how are things going? How can I be a better wife, sister, friend to you? Those are the questions to be asking yourself instead of complaining that things aren’t as you wish they would be… and I’m telling you that from experience! 😉 It’s the work on ourselves — the changing we do ourselves — that changes our relationships the most.
Save Myself From The Comparison Game
A few weeks after I created an Instagram account, I was talking to my best friend, and I told her how Instagram can quickly make me Insta-envious.
It’s hard for me to see photo after photo of beautifully decorated homes that have holiday decorations from Pottery Barn, or to see photos of families one right after the next — growing families, or to see photos of couples buying great, big huge houses, or going on extravagant dates.
I want to be happy for all those families and couples, but I also need to guard my heart from being envious of them, and feeling bitter about what I don’t have.
I do this by limiting what I look at; the blogs I read, the people I follow on Instagram, or even the conversations I join in on Facebook. I know my heart, and it’s a sensitive one, and so I have to be extra careful not to spend too much time looking at what other people have — whether that’s pretty home decor or adorable toddlers. I’m happy for you if you have these things — or at least, I’m working on being happy for you 😉 #Honestly 😉 I’m always working on it.
Staying Present In The Moment
This last one can be such a struggle! It’s easy to dwell on the future with hope that things will be different, but then that seems to make the time — here and now — pass either more slowly, or very quickly… and in both cases, it’s like I’m stealing the present away from myself by thinking about the future.
And you usually only hear that when people are talking about the past 😉
We’re blessed to have every single moment that we do, and when I begin to think about the moments I waste away by being wistful about those things and people that aren’t in my life right now, I feel guilty… guilty that I’m not recognizing God’d goodness, beauty, and Love today in my life with things just as they are.
It’s not as if He hasn’t been around, and that He’ll suddenly be around in 5 or 10 years from now when things are different.
And to be honest, if I’m not seeing Him now, and if I’m not paying Him attention now, there’s no reason to think I would do it if I did have those things I wish I had. I see this time now as a time to prep for the future, but not to dwell on it. A time to work on my relationship with Him, not to think about the ones I don’t have.
He is here with me. Right now. In this very moment. He’s an anchor. If I let Him, He can hold me down in this very moment. That’s sort of what prayer seems to do, right? It holds you down in that moment, makes you present, but it also lifts you up — up closer to Him.
So here, I would say the key to staying present is to stay praying.